Ten Ways to Cope with Separation or Divorce

Separation or divorce is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a person can go through. It can feel like your world has been turned upside down, leaving you with a mix of emotions such as grief, anger, confusion, and even relief. As a team of HCPC registered Counselling and Clinical Psychologists, we work with many people navigating this difficult transition to reach a place of acceptance, growth and independence. While healing takes time, there are steps you can take to manage your emotions and rebuild your life. Here are ten ways to cope with separation or divorce:

1.     Allow Yourself to Grieve 

It’s natural to experience a wide range of emotions after a breakup. It can often feel like you are on a rollercoaster of emotions, one moment feeling intense pain and loss, followed by anger, confusion and anxiety for the future. Suppressing these feelings can prolong the healing process. Acknowledge your pain, sadness, and loss. Many of our clients describe feeling guilt at viewing a divorce or separation as similar to death or loss of a loved one. However, psychological research has demonstrated that many people experience divorce through the similar pattern as grief. Give yourself permission to grieve the relationship and the future you envisioned.

2.     Seek Support 

You don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on friends, family members, or support groups for emotional and practical support. There may be times that you want to talk about your separation with friends and family, or times when you want to be distracted and to not speak about it for a few hours. It can help to tell your support network what you need from them in that moment. Research consistently shows that social support is a major protective factor in coping with stress and trauma.

If you are a parent, it can be hard to make space for your emotions when supporting your children. It is important that you refrain from turning to your children for support. They need you to model self-care and resilience, and they should not feel that they need to worry about how you are doing. Children can often feel torn during divorce, and it is important for their emotional development that stability and security is provided during this time.

3.     Set Healthy Boundaries 

Research on interpersonal relationships suggests that unclear boundaries can contribute to prolonged stress and conflict. If communication with your ex-partner is necessary, keeping it structured and focusing only on essential matters—especially when co-parenting—is beneficial. It is important to avoid any negative communication, as parental conflict post-divorce is the biggest factor in young people developing mental health difficulties in the context of divorce. It can be helpful to think about your boundaries given your specific situation, and what contact is helping you – do you need to block them on social media, hide their whatsapp conversation or delete their contact entirely. There is no right or wrong way to begin to disentangle your life with another, and it is important to take it at your speed.

4.     Take Care of Your Physical Health 

The last thing you might want to do when feeling low is to go for a walk, the gym or to eat a salad. There will likely be times when you can only manage to cocoon on the sofa with a tub of ice cream, but it is important to ensure you maintain balance. The mind body connection is well documented in research – looking after your physical body can have a significant impact on your emotional experience. Prioritize sleep, eat nourishing foods, and engage in physical activity to enhance emotional resilience during this transition.

5.     Avoid Self-Destructive Behaviours 

During emotional distress, it can be tempting to numb the pain with alcohol, drugs, excess unhealthy food or partying. While these may offer temporary relief, they can worsen your mental and emotional state in the long run. Instead, focus on constructive ways to process emotions. When you feel able to, or with the support of a friend, build a list of things that help you (such as reading, talking to friends, mindfulness, exercise, TV shows) that you can keep on your phone to help at times when you feel particularly low.

6.     Create a New Routine 

Divorce often disrupts your daily life and routine. Cognitive-behavioral research suggests that creating structured daily habits can restore a sense of normalcy and reduce feelings of chaos (Fava & Tomba, 2009). Simple changes, like a new morning routine or joining a class, can help rebuild stability and confidence.

7.     Focus on Self-Discovery 

Post-traumatic growth (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 1996) is a well-researched concept showing that individuals can emerge stronger after adversity. This hope can feel hard to hold onto, but know that there is light on the other side of separation. This is an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Rediscover interests and passions that may have taken a backseat during your relationship. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can boost your self-esteem.

8.     Manage Negative Thoughts 

It’s easy to fall into patterns of self-blame or catastrophizing. Challenge negative thoughts by reframing them. Instead of thinking, “I will never find happiness again,” remind yourself, “I am healing and growing every day.” If you feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are evidence-based therapies that can help you manage negative or intrusive thoughts.

9.     Take Things One Day at a Time 

Healing is not linear, and it’s okay to have good and bad days. Focus on taking small, manageable steps rather than overwhelming yourself with big life decisions all at once. Keep a mantra in your mind “focus on the next step”, whether that is packing up your things, signing divorce papers or telling family and friends. A mantra in your mind can help you feel less overwhelmed with the process of separation. If you find your mind often wanders to the ‘what if’, worries about the future or thoughts about the past, there are many grounding strategies that can help. The 5,4,3,2,1 technique is a quick, and easy way to ground yourself in the present. You notice 5 things you can see around you, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This technique uses all your senses to distract your mind and help it to focus on the here and now.

10.  Seek Professional Help if Needed 

If your emotions feel overwhelming or you find yourself stuck in sadness, anxiety, or anger, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Therapy has been proven effective in helping individuals navigate life transitions by building up your resilience and tools to manage difficult emotions. Speaking with a therapist can also provide you with professional guidance and a safe space to process your emotions. At The Lotus Psychology Practice, we are a team of HCPC registered Clinical and Counselling Psychologist with specialist experience in supporting people to navigate life after divorce or separation. Get in touch with us if you would like to find out more.

Final Thoughts

While separation and divorce bring significant emotional challenges, psychological research offers clear strategies for coping and growth. By acknowledging grief, seeking support, maintaining physical health, and engaging in personal development, individuals can navigate this transition in a healthy and empowering way. Remember, healing takes time—be patient and compassionate with yourself on this journey.